BLOG Let’s talk about Shame Website

"Shame thrives on secrecy, silence, and judgment."

-Brene Brown

If you've ever felt like a bad parent after a tough moment with your kiddos, you're not alone. Shame is one of the most common feelings parents describe, and it's one of the hardest to talk about.

My interest in parent shame and guilt started at a parenting workshop I was facilitating. I was speaking to attachment relationships, and I saw one mom start to cry. She told me at break that she felt like she had really screwed up attachment, that she failed her son. It was devastating to me- I run parenting workshops because I wanted to help caregivers find more ease and confidence, and instead, I made this mom feel so bad. Yet at the same workshop, other parents found it inspiring, telling me they left feeling empowered and excited to try some new strategies. How could the same information that inspired some parents made others feel terrible? What is happening under the surface?

So I started looking more closely at the emotions that show up most often in parenthood. And that’s how I came upon shame and guilt. Yep- parents feel these emotions much more than non parents… and I wanted to study how it affects a parent's capacity to learn and grow. That research became my dissertation, which I received a grant to share with the public on a website. 

Here’s www.understandparentshame.com. It's a free resource for parents and caregivers on parent shame and guilt.

On the site, you'll find:

• A plain-language explanation of shame and how it differs from guilt

• Parents' stories about their experiences with guilt and shame, shared in their own words

• Research-based ideas for understanding why shame is so common in parenthood, and how it affects parenting and mental health

• Practical strategies to try when shame starts to show up and gets us stuck

• Strategies for anyone working with parents to help mitigate shame, and strengthen connection

The more we understand and talk about shame, the less power it has over us.

Visit the site here: understandparentshame.com

If you'd like to hear more, you can also listen to the Where You Are episode on shame, guilt, and parenthood: https://keltymentalhealth.ca/podcast/talking-about-shame-guilt-parenthood